A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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