i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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