He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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