census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
