Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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