So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
