if i can run in heels then i can drive
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
