I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
