I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
