I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
