When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
