JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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