I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
