It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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