Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
