Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We got so high we made milksteak
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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