I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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