we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
