Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
