Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The air was thick with penises
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
