In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i think my cat just said my name.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
