She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
