Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
