who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Fuck appropriateness.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
