Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
