I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
