jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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