i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
