Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
