We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
