My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Of course I have a pirate flag
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
