Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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