Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
