The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
