there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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