Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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