My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
