I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I supernannyed him into submission
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
