Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
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