She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
