Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
