Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Boobs speak an international language.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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