just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
