my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
