after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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