ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
