That's intense
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You took a bar mat shot.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
