She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
