omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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