he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Boobs speak an international language.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
