Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
