I puked a lego.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
