Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
