I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I am naked and annoyed.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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