Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
