I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
