you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
