yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
