How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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