can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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