And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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