you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
