Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
