thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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