I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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