Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
