What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize