my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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