what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
