Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
