You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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