apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
