He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
