we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
