you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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