I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
