shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
