The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
