if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
