ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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