And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
