I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize