I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize