I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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