you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
