The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
