She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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