I am in a vortex of obligation.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize