I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
