Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
