Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
