i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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