and you said cock pushups were impossible
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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