if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize