I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
